A Laugh A Day Keeps The Doctor Away!
home | categories | a to z browse | search | random joke | submit joke | contact us



JOKES ::






SEARCH ::




Find:

Viewing Joke:

Category:Lawyer Jokes
  
Rating:not yet rated     
Views:377
 
Joke:These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. __________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ________________________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _____________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ______________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. __________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? __________________________________ Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? __________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? __________________________________ Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? __________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? __________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? __________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. __________________________________ Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. __________________________________ Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. __________________________________ Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? __________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
 
 Add to del.icio.us    Digg this    Reddit



More Lawyer Jokes:

1.   Rating:  0 stars
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when al... more

2.   Rating:  0 stars
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client?s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."Judge: "And what is the nat... more

3.   Rating:  2 stars
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to... more

4.   Rating:  0 stars
You Might Be A Lawyer If....You are charging someone for reading these jokes. The shortest sentence you have ever writte... more

5.   Rating:  0 stars
Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.She gave him a $100 bill, not no... more

6.   Rating:  3 stars
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats a... more

7.   Rating:  0 stars
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night."How?s business?" asked the first."Rotten," replied the other. "Yeste... more

8.   Rating:  0 stars
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain... more

9.   Rating:  0 stars
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After... more

10.   Rating:  0 stars
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn?t return to Earth.The first applica... more





  JOKES ::



home | categories | a to z browse | search | random joke | submit joke | contact us | link partners
jokes | funny jokes | free jokes | clean jokes | humor jokes | more jokes | jokes best | online jokes | short jokes | practical jokes | blonde jokes