| 1. |  |
| 'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies... more
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| 2. | |
| (Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',I'm happy... more
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| 3. |  |
| 1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instanc... more
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| 4. | |
| 10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever acci... more
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| 5. | |
| 8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes6. Al... more
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| 6. | |
| 8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 7. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 6. It looks suspiciously like... more
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| 7. | |
| A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thoug... more
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| 8. | |
| A little girl asked santa to send her a sister. Santa said - on one condition, send me your mother.... more
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| 9. | |
| A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.more
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| 10. | |
| After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift."... more
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| 11. | |
| Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I neve... more
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| 12. | |
| Dear Friends, I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will... more
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| 13. | |
| Dear Santa,How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's... more
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| 14. | |
| December 14, 2003: Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree.... more
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| 15. | |
| Department Store Santa Peeves8. Kids who refuse to believe that it's fruitcake on your breath and not gin.7. When the la... more
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| 16. | |
| Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsid... more
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| 17. | |
| Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible.When my so... more
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| 18. | |
| Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,Sweating his fat awayHere comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,Water... more
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| 19. | |
| Here's a money saving tip for Christmas: Glue Ju Ju Bee on a Brick and mail it out as a fruitcake! ... more
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| 20. | |
| I think the real miracle of Christmas is how I get through it each year without killing my relatives!... more
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| 21. | |
| If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, c... more
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| 22. | |
| In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One... more
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| 23. | |
| It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?""Doing my Christ... more
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| 24. | |
| Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake... more
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| 25. | |
| Jones: "The chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Year's Day."Smith: "So I understand, but... more
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| 26. | |
| Knock KnockWho's there ?WenceslasWenceslas who ? Wenceslas train home ? Knock KnockWho's there ?SnowSnow who ? Snow busi... more
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| 27. | |
| Mail your packages early so that the post office can lose them in time for Christmas!... more
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| 28. | |
| Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can sti... more
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| 29. | |
| NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conferen... more
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| 30. | |
| On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.Th... more
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