| 1. |  |
| A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head."Hmmm," said the doctor. "Ive no idea what it is." ... more
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| 2. | |
| A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. "... more
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| 3. | |
| A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly arent you?, Ive never... more
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| 4. | |
| Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then i... more
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| 5. | |
| Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity its not on her head. ... more
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| 6. | |
| Did you hear about the girl monster who wasnt pretty and wasnt ugly ? She was pretty ugly. ... more
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| 7. | |
| Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two. ... more
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| 8. | |
| Dont look out of the window, Betty, people will think its Halloween.... more
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| 9. | |
| First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think thats vanity? Second girl: No, its... more
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| 10. | |
| First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have... more
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| 11. | |
| First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock. ... more
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| 12. | |
| Fred keeps telling me that hes going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And youve been... more
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| 13. | |
| Fred: Whats that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head! ... more
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| 14. | |
| Girlfriend: Will you love me when Im old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do ! ... more
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| 15. | |
| I cant understand why people say my girlfriends legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainl... more
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| 16. | |
| I dont think these photographs youve taken do me justice. You dont want justice - you want mercy ! ... more
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| 17. | |
| Im not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But thats the problem - you dont please anyone.... more
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| 18. | |
| Ive just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!... more
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| 19. | |
| Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. I thought it was love at first sight, sa... more
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| 20. | |
| Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world. What was I wearing ? ... more
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| 21. | |
| Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mothers ear. Johnny, how... more
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| 22. | |
| Mary: Do you think my sisters pretty ? Gary: Well, lets just say if you pulled her pigtail shed probably say oink, oin... more
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| 23. | |
| Monster: Im so ugly. Ghost: Its not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cig... more
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| 24. | |
| Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a face lift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldnt... more
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| 25. | |
| My boyfriend thinks Im beautiful. Well they do say that love is blind ! ... more
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| 26. | |
| My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.... more
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| 27. | |
| People keep telling me Im beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.... more
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| 28. | |
| Q: What is yellow and goes click-click? A: A ball-point banana. ... more
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| 29. | |
| Q: Where is everyone beautiful? A: In the dark. ... more
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| 30. | |
| she is so pretty, when she eats and smudge her lips alittle the flies came fly by and wipe it away.... more
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